AUTHOR: Kallie E. Sage
EDITOR: Hannah
ARTIST: Flavija
TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND DEPRESSION
I don’t know
I don’t know if I made everything up
I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know
no one knows
what I’ve been through
no one knows
the thoughts in my mind
no one knows
that I can’t do this anymore
when I lie in bed
I feel the ghost of his hands
when I’m in the shower
their laughter echoes in my ears
when I look at myself in the mirror
I want to scream
“what are you doing?”
I asked
no response
“stop”
I said
no response
“no”
I whispered
two letters
aren’t they supposed to hold all the power?
isn’t no supposed to make it all better?
why didn’t it work?
other people have it worse
they’ve been through so so so so sososososososo much worse
I don’t know if I can compare
I don’t know if I’m worth it
I
don’t
know
if you asked me how I was doing
I’d tell you “I’m fine”
if you asked me if anything was wrong
I’d tell you “nothing at all”
if you asked me if I wanted to be alive
I’d tell you “yes of course”
but
I don’t know if I can keep this up anymore
I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know
I’m bursting
at the
s e a m s
I don’t know if anyone can ever know the full truth
I don’t know how you’d react
if I told you “I’m not fine”
I don’t know what you’d say
if you saw the truth behind my words
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
I DON’T KNOW
and maybe I never will
maybe this is all an illusion
maybe nothing ever happened
maybe my skin doesn’t have to feel dirty
no matter how much I scrub
and scrub
and scrub
and scrub
maybe I’m 8 years old again
or maybe I’m 11
maybe I can still smile without
feeling like a
f r a u d
maybe
just maybe
people could take “no” for an answer.
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