AUTHOR: Saanvi
EDITOR: Hannah
ARTIST: Ara
The cup stays still.
Never have I ever
Missed somebody so severely, it hurt in my chest
Never have I ever
Loved someone so deep, my heart felt filled
Never have I ever
Shed tears in the name of adoration
Never have I ever
Been the object of somebody’s pure affection.
[perhaps I am defective, incapable of loving and missing and caring, robbed of the life I did nothing to deserve]
I’ll drink to that.
Never have I ever
Grown out all my friends, discarded them like clothes to be worn no longer
Never have I ever
Cried because what I felt most naturally was anger
Never have I ever
Avoided love at every corner, like it’s a haunted forsaken thing
Never have I ever
Been so underwater and faraway that it felt somewhat like dying.
[perhaps it is for a reason, the only friendship I have grieved is the one I called mine in childhood, since then I’ve not missed, just missed out]
Throw the cup out.
Never have I ever
Spoken up for myself because I believed I deserve it
Never have I ever
Taken the easy way out of all my little messes
Never have I ever
Had the courage to behave out loud and think irrationally.
Never have I ever
Stretched myself free, unafraid to take up space and just be.
[perhaps I really don’t deserve it and would rather tell myself this than be told it through somebody else’s running mouth, decreasing the way it hurts if only so marginally and temporarily]
[perhaps all this is true and yet I refuse to see it for what it is, never have I ever, never will I ever…]
Comments