TITLE: "staring at glaring sun"
AUTHOR: Ara Djati
ARTIST: Jacarri
Bright sun glaring through the windows, it is September of 2014, and you are five years old sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor. The house is quiet;, it always is. One day you will miss the quiet. But right now you are oblivious. All you know is the rough scratch of paper between your fingers, the sweet scent of fresh ink; you turn the pages one by one, and suddenly you are no longer on the kitchen floor. You are soaring above the skies of Crete, makeshift wings scraping your shoulders, casting a shadow across the rolling seas below. Bright sun glares through the clouds, and you want to fly higher, higher, higher. But, Icarus, you mustn’t fly too high. Why? Why? It is beautiful how small the world is when you’re above. It is beautiful to know that no roof will stop your climb. But, darling, you read more than your mind can hold. Why? Why?
Sixth-grade science, chairs too small. Your hand has to be the first to reach the ceiling; your voice has to be the first to speak the answer, because what are you if not at the top? And, does anyone know what you call an organism attracted to sunlight? Book six, page fifty-two, paragraph three, and you know. And, heliophile. An expected smile, an expected burst of pride. Because what are you if not the first hand up? You look at the bright sun glaring through the windows, and you wonder if that’s what you are. Heliophile.
What will become of the heliophile, the day gray clouds hide the sun, the day rain is ceaseless and harsh?
It is 3:22 in the afternoon and the light is already fading away. Fetal position, you lie on the bedroom floor, music blaring through headphones, and you try to turn it off but you cannot. All their words, spinning vinyl, blaring through your brain, and you try to turn it off but you cannot. Even when you blare music, even when you stare at the glaring sun, you cannot. They say: darling, you are more than a pedestal. And: she had it coming. And: reads more than her mind could hold. And: dreams more than her heart could hold. And: knows more than her years could hold. And: Icarus has flown too high.
What will become of the heliophile?
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